It's been awhile since I've used this space to speak genuinely. From the heart. I'm not exactly sure why that is, whether it's because life itself has taken on a new pulse (busy) or because I know more individuals that may be reading and maybe I'm concerning myself with being judged. I'm not entirely sure, but I do know that I miss sharing here in this space. It's kind of my sounding board...my inspiration board...this space keeps me in check if you will.
So, for today, I will share a bit of what's been going on, my thoughts and what's been inspiring me in the small pockets of time that I've been able to find lately.
Music.
This song has been in my head as of late...it's a good mantra to have on repeat.
This one touches on something so true. Something good to think about. I love how Ben Howard can put a voice to feelings that we may not even know we are having.
And this one speaks to my heart. To the journey that I'm on as an individual and to the one that I am sharing with Ethan. Oh the winding roads, may you keep on coming for us.
Listen.
I've been enjoying being able to catch up with some of the pod casts from NPR's Invisibilia when I can.
How to Become Batman and Entanglement spoke to me, but I am intrigued by them all so far so check them out.
Words.
Female Company President: "I am sorry to all the mother's I worked with" from Fortune.com
This article struck a nerve with me. I cannot tell you how many conversations I have had with Ethan sharing my hurt and frustration that comes with my trying to find a place in my work life that fits our family life AND fulfills my personal passions. It's just not possible to strike a balance. I'm either working too much or at something that isn't fulfilling personally or I'm not working at all and I gather frustration from "just" being a mom. Ethan has been able to seek out his employment always by being fueled by his passions and interests first and foremost and I've always sought out things that "would fit". It's so frustrating. To read the above article and have the acknowledgement from a woman who imposed the very mentality that which I and so many others struggle with in the workplace feels validating somehow. The frustration is real. For the kind of mother that I am and wish to continue to be...it so often feels impossible to do and have it all...yet that is the very thing that dangles in front of us, that we live in a day and age where we in fact can have it all.
Where Have All the Teachers Gone? from NPR's Ed How Learning Happens
Ethan comes home and shares so much with me about the teaching environment in which he works in and we strategize and bounce ideas off of one another every single evening. It's heartbreaking and frustrating and this article touches on very real issues regarding the daily struggles. We both found it to be a great read.
Sanctuary from the blog of Karen Russell
For those that have been reading my blog for some time now you know that one of my favorite bloggers is Karen Russell. In addition to being a photographer that I greatly admire she writes with an honesty that is refreshing and that I appreciate. Her latest blog post titled Sanctuary spoke to me. It's what I want for our home. The one thing. Always, I want for us to be able to slow down and look at one another, take time for one another and to speak truth. To love. Her post is beautifully written, please take the time to read it.
Real Life.
This past weekend was busy. Too busy. It was filled to the brim with activities and things to do. It was hard. We fit in things that were fun (sledding with friends)...but there was no time that was solely mine. In my 37 years I have learned that I need to be able to "quiet" myself. That I absorb the emotions that are around me (if people are stressed or angry or sad I take that on in a very real way), I become over-stimulated and need to retreat to find myself and become centered again. Noise, people, busy-ness...all eventually become sources of stress to me. Even when the people are ones that I love and the noise is not bad and the busy-ness is considered to be a good busy.
There was a moment that I stole away on Monday afternoon. Ethan was vacuuming and it was noisy inside the house and I was at the end of my rope. I had had it. I had just gotten back from getting groceries and putting them away. The sun was shining on all the snow and it was almost warm (in the way that anything above zero degrees is warm) and I took my cup of coffee outside and I sat down on the cold deck and stretched out my legs and stayed there for a good ten minutes. Looking at the blue sky. Looking out at the trees and the woods that back up to our yard. Listening to the birds (the birds!) singing. Thinking about how it could be possible that all of the snow piled in front of me would possibly be able to melt away for us to have a real spring.
And my mind drifted to how good it felt to be breathing in the cold, crisp air. How good and how amazing my small and simple little life truly is.
Real life. What it looks like here, right now.
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